the other side of fungicide

i remember you

2009-05-13T15:02:00.003+08:00

just musing around, i noticed there's no way see my previous post for some reason which i only know :)

it brought me into question of, why im back into blogging? a quick answer would be: it makes me relaxed and instead talking, i shall wrote down things that runs on my mind. as joke says: arent you tired? you've been always running on my mind :p

here's a song which i could say: the last song to play on each time i smile, kiss and die.

Woke up to the sound of pouring rain
The wind would whisper and I'd think of you
And all the tears you cried, that called my name
And when you needed me I came through

I paint a picture of the days gone by
When love went blind and you would make me see
I'd stare a lifetime into your eyes
So that I knew you were there for me
Time after time you were there for me

Remember yesterday - walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand - I remember you
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day
I'd wanna hear you say - I remember you

We spend the summer with the top rolled down
Wished ever after would be like this
You said I love you babe, without a sound
I said I'd give my life for just one kiss
I'd live for your smile and die for your kiss

Remember yesterday - walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand - I remember you
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day
I'd wanna hear you say - I remember you

We've had our share of hard times
But that's the price we paid
And through it all we kept the promise that we made
I swear you'll never be lonely

Woke up to the sound of pouring rain
Washed away a dream of you
But nothing else could ever take you away
'Cause you'll always be my dream come true
Oh my darling, I love you

Remember yesterday - walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand - I remember you
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day
I'd wanna hear you say - I remember you

Remember yesterday - walking hand in hand
Love letters in the sand - I remember you
Through the sleepless nights and every endless day
I'd wanna hear you say - I remember you

GFC and KFC - kick this fucking crisis

2009-05-11T13:20:00.004+08:00

Its been a while for me not to face my blog. been from vacation (which lasted for almost a month) had flu (its not what you think) personal issues (missing my folks) and rocky career stat.

im in a cliff in which, one step more, i will be plunged into the waves of head count reduction. im trying to pinch myself on escaping this nightmare. was i able to escape? nope! i just got bruises...

life's like wheel - a very redundant saying from people had experienced being driven.

i really didnt care if this kind or sort of crisis would affect me. everything goes by monies sake. a total fucking a to think of. try thinking, these big shot people especially maangers, ceo's or company owners fighting over this piece of crap (money) and we suffer.

good thing my working visa was considered to be extended. in such way where they (HR team) dont even know whats going on with my current standings. another thing is, i had some job interviews from my previous company (well its microsoft)so im crossing my fingers... hope to get more invitations.

when times of trouble

2008-11-26T14:40:00.002+08:00

sobrang nakakalungkot. ayaw ko maging EMO masyado pero it leads me to be like it. from now on, i should keep myself busy talaga, for it wont lead me to destruction of my self conciousness. i got alot of pendings at work but this thing that keeps bothering me, makes my day very dull.

im always a poser of being a strong person. i dont want to share problems, especially things that i know na di nila ko ma ji-jive. i have handful of those, and yet most eh fault ko naman pero in the end much better na ganito na nga sort of thing.

at this moment, my expectation dropped fast to disappointment. i knock my head and say, it not a good thing.

there's no other place like home...

How to be dead

2008-10-29T11:34:00.002+08:00

Please don't go crazy, if I tell you the truth
No you don't know what happened
And you never will if
You don't listen to me while I talk to the wall
This blanket is freezing, it's been out in the hall
Where you've had me for hours
Till I'm sure what I want
But darling I want the same thing that I wanted before
So sweetheart tell me what's up I won't stop no way

Please keep your hands down
And stop raising your voice
It's hardly what I'd be doing if you gave me a choice
It's a simple suggestion can you give me sometime
So just say yes or no
Why can't you shoulder the blame
Coz both my shoulders are heavy
From the weight of us both
You're a big boy now so let's not talk about growth
You've not heard a single word I have said...
Oh, my God

Please take it easy it can't all be my fault
I haven't made half the mistakes
That you've listed so far
Oh baby let me explain something
It's all down to drugs
At least I remember taking the and not a lot else
It seems I've stepped over lines
You've drawn again and again
But if the ecstacy's in the wit is definitely out
Dr. Jekyll is wrestling Hyde for my pride

http://60.191.249.11/download/downd113/ys/501/20.mp3

the new me (final na ito)

2008-10-08T11:12:00.002+08:00

sa wakas! im almost done with my report. grabe na ito...
hope from these aches (head, back, eyes)... wont tell a sign of aging (-:

i have some relievers. my ever loving family. im working for them and inspired by them. them who help me pull strenght and courage to act naturally even im so afraid who hides a real life lazy...

before, i wasted time to daydream.... as i currently speak (or say.. write), im drowning with my real life dreams. masyadong sumobra, naging exag. at least im happy kahit tinapon ako nito sa isang malawak na ocean - i have to swim by myself. im thankful at mabuti nalang, i have a pocket full of life supports to help me float during sprain attacks.

...and from now on, i pull away myself of being and getting involved. i have set a mind-your-own-business theme for things that are sooo petty. tumatanda na nga raw kasi ako... reality speaks, i have to act matured on this niche.

i have changed the way i ask grace. i asked for "them" to value ang lahat ng pinaghirapan ko. i seriously had a hard time to spend and budget it! naisip ko nga minsan na robot ba ko? )-: facing these issues helped me practice to deal with my anger and emo.

all things are made to be different, and i chose not to label a particular. everything comes with different size, shape, color and attitude. and we are made to have a distinct manner. to accept and to understand...

im tired of my boring life. i know meron pa kong mga bagay na di pa na trtry, a lot of opportunities, stakes, chances... pero lahat ng bagay may limitasyon.

and so the limit has reached. til my next blog...

im a prick, how about you?

2006-10-25T10:58:00.000+08:00

it was cool to sabotage things - especially if you dont like a certain matter and to avoid it, you have to sabotage... i remember when i was in college, i hated this lecture thing made in our lab pc's and guess what i did, i sabotage the whole class because i dont feel it. i admit my mistakes and i got punished which i deserved to be. but the main factor or the main mistake i made was, not just i did wreck the class but i never thought of my fellow classmates who were eager to learn and needs to pass their exam blah blah or else, no more scholarship. see? i was a prick that time and that made me learned a lesson. i never thought of other's sake. i didnt realise that my speculations would cause innocent nerdy beings to sabotage their dreams...

also, another thing... we are all sinners and there's so such saint who pretends to be good, wrecks or sabotage things just like what i did, and especially, careless for the innocent. we are all born fucking sinners and we are not given a special power of the Almighty Lord to rotten a persona. i had destroyed one's life, im a big fat liar, i talk shit at the back of my parents - i was the infamous blacksheep way back and now im proud to be a loafwinner! i did cheated my significant other which i REGRET until now... i cheated on exams of course, i killed a kitten, i stole money from my father's pants... im mayabang, i sometimes talk in a way i've almost hurt your feelings... alright, the sum of these things - im a fucking prick! AND I FEEL SORRY FOR THE PEOPLE WHOM I'VE HURTED with these things I made. You know who you are...

how about you? have you lately admitted your mistakes?

Lok

2006-10-23T10:42:00.000+08:00

great weekend eh. we spend much rest than shopping with my siggy. the reason? we just bought a notebook... his name is LOK - named after the technician where we bought it. acelle and i went to baoshan to check second hand machines. and we did catch this compaq presario i-forgot-the-model. silver-coated with black and very sleek. it looks new. thou he's celeron m and i dont care, i made him to 512mb. dvd-rom writer to save our videos. mirror-like lcd - watever you call it. semi-slim and since it looks like just new, less scratches... on his first day, man! fat and i were too worried, it didnt boot up. so we went back to baoshan and replace the ddram. geez! i hate being preached again. fat was freaking out and likes to get her money back... so i applied my technical customer service skills and explain the fact to an ignorant customer. (sorry heheee!)

so as if nothing happened, we use him the whole weekend just to check his performance. and great! it didnt gave me such headache. he runs smoothly. well its windows xp sp2 and vista "premium capable"... who cares, why we need to risk Lok and run like a turtle. anyway, forget that vista thing. as long Lok is running like a hare. the hell i care with your centrino.

here's how he looks like. exactly like this... how much we bought him? guess within the range of 20 to 25k in peso...

my name is Lok

for my life

2006-10-17T12:48:00.001+08:00

i prefer to make others happy.
i will do my best to make you happy.
i will try to give you everything i can.
i will work hard today and in the future to make you happy everyday.
i am not asking for an exchange, i just want you to be satisfied and complete.
i'll be always besides you whatever happens.

a trial given by God will makes us stronger and learn new things.
people who influence and who misunderstoods us will be there as a spice.
you and i will still hold together and journey the forever love.
our faith with God will set as guidance.
God will provide every impossible to possible if we believe in Him.
i will regret a single moment without you.

in case i lose you, i will never forget the chance you gave me on prolonging this life i love.
in case im gone for life, i will bring the memories in heaven and thank God personally
for having you, in my life...

now that i have you, i will do my best
and let God do the rest for our happiness...

the life i love with you.

geek stink breath

2006-10-16T11:50:00.000+08:00

my two crown teeth is aching to death! must need to prepare a fix for this next year.. now i am currently praying for something. waiting for a star to fall in a midst of monday afternoon. calling all saints and angels... and a search for a wishing lamp, so help me genie!!!

please give grace, and mercy... :(

word of honor

2006-10-13T12:21:00.000+08:00

hope she can practice a one word decision. i hate people without it. its like, you promise a thing and will all gone for such reason you're trying to insist. it disappoints me...

weekend trail

2006-10-10T11:28:00.000+08:00

got a pair of free trail 5.0 from NIKE . T'was unexpected here at Shanghai... I cant believe to have the brown version.

this is the third kick ass shoes I got in my entire life. the air max moto we bought last year was just so-so...

thanks fattie :)

soon...

2006-10-06T15:05:00.000+08:00

there are things in my mind that still bothers me. things and people influences, my family whom i long to be with me on this moment... im a person who will let you cry to death with my annoying piss. little you know, im currently having a big stress... until now, it knocks me down to death as how i piss off people.

how can i get along in the world where i want to be? to whom my dreams are kept? where is that place that no one knows only me? my reason to be strong is getting weaker. do i still have time for everything i left and forgotten since i had this? where is the freedom where i can forget everything?

can i just go home? please :(

revised version of I love you goodbye...

2006-10-05T18:19:00.000+08:00

Wish I could be the one
The one you think who could give you love
The kind of love you really need

Wish I could say to you
That I want to stay with you
But baby that's not me

You need someone willing to give their heart and soul to you
Promise you forever, baby that's something I CAN do
Oh I could say that I'll be all you need
But you dont want to be
you know you only hurt me
and you also make me cry
I'm not the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye

I hope someday I can
Find some way to understand
I'm only doing this for you

I don't really wanna go
But deep in my heart
I know this is the kindest thing to do

You'll find someone who'll be the one that I could never be
Who'll give you something better
Than the love you'll find with me

Oh you could say that I'll be all you need
But that would be a lie

Leaving someone when you love someone
Is the hardest thing to do
When you love someone as much as I love you
Oh I don't wanna leave you
Baby it tears me up inside
But I'll never be the one you're needing
I love you, goodbye

Baby, its never gonna work out
I love you, goodbye

pride in the name of love

2006-10-04T18:24:00.000+08:00

just want to tell ya'll that i got no pride. i did swallowed it for sake. need to know why? well, i just choke from it since honor might knocked me down to hell. oh well, im proud. soon, i'll be enjoying life popping a Henri Winterman Cigars.. woooshhhhh!

ehem..... im working on it actually :)

something only we know

2006-09-25T12:14:00.000+08:00

im getting tired of things in life - problems, frustrations, achievements and sometimes issues that gathers in my mind. felt grateful to hear the words i was dreaming before we ended the day.

now ive learned that prayers can move mountains. illusions can be true if you think it is. setting a goal can lead to a real dream come true.

relief good

2006-09-21T18:35:00.000+08:00

i think everything would be back to normal..... again....til forever :D

do what you want to do

2006-09-18T13:04:00.000+08:00

last week's friday and saturday was one of a thing i want to do since then. we went out in a bar with fellow expats and last saturday, we went to this bar with almost-stripping-girls dancing in rock music. i met bacardi, made my night flawless to a deep slumber. oh yeah, tiger - last friday but i hate it. it made my throat sore. last saturday was monet's natal celebration. t'was fun - do i sound lame? oh boy i made a mint flavored menudo where in aplasticbasinwasthereason. anyway, how about me, what about me? still afraid....

lesson number 2

2006-09-15T18:54:00.000+08:00

i was recently afraid. i felt cold deep down my spine. i dont use to be like this before and i always feel nervous. Here some lines I want to share from the song "Because Of you" By Kelly Clarkson

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh every day of my life
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you I find it hard to trust Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you I am afraid

redemption

2006-09-14T11:33:00.000+08:00

still in a process of accepting the fact... i think its better to let other realize the real thing and not to give options.

its hard, since i cant resist to change. where to find a remedy for this poison that flows in my bloodstreams and cracks my head to death!

hope soon, i can find myself rushing for a deep slumber.... in short - hoping to be me AGAIN...

praning na ko!!

2006-09-13T13:56:00.000+08:00

im freaking paranoid and clueless. i dont know what's happening! do i still know myself? ive been so tortured and things still left unanswered. im looking forward for the letter R (its recovery man! not revenge).

lately, im beginning to forget hate. i was able to swallow pride to prove something.

must be brave and strong...

lahat tayo ililibing, ayon sa kababayan nateng magagaleng, pero mas ok raw ang dateng - kung di ka praning bwahahaha! - datu's tribe

the scientist and a gamer

2006-09-12T10:02:00.000+08:00

Tell me your secrets, and nurse me your questions Oh let's go back to the start
Tell me you love me, and come back and haunt me, Oh, when I rush to the start
Nobody said it was easy, It's such a shame for us to part
No one ever said it would be so hard
I'm going back to the start

pushing start will make a game pause on PS2, why? I have to do something. like - take a pee, eat, take a shower, move another seating position or anything you can think of. but what if i said i need to pause this game to end it since my eyes are getting irritated, my finger skin are worned out due to controller, im sick and tired of this game or need to take rest. with these reasons, i think, pausing a game is not a big deal for me to forget playing. im a gamer for life. i can be a gamer forever. i can start a game for every pause i made.

The Gamer and The Scientist

memoirs...

2006-09-08T00:54:00.000+08:00

the end is getting near, i'm not sure how well im prepared. if you'll ask me, its not that easy. i almost dream to have one which before i used to stare on some, how it was expressed. i also used to listen and advice but now, i need a some dose of it. it was not hard to have it, actually, i never spend even a pile of sweat. it was a piece of cake. i did enjoyed, i actually love the company. tho there was something that i think of - regret on losing it soon. i still pursue and continued since it was a worthwhile thing to have and feel, plus the security and assurance you've aggreed of. sky was the limit. it made my 3650 days happy. well, nobody's perfect, there's still tons of issues happened but at least it made to reach 10...

now, caught red handed weeping and having a disturbed mind. things have changed. things suddenly loop into something different. its like youre in the middle of setting one's dream then suddenly you were ask to stop it. its hard tho, you need to accept. now, i should pack all this shit out of my head and try harder to accept reality.

my oh my...

2006-09-02T03:55:00.000+08:00

never let someone be your priority, while allowing yourself be their option...

excuse my french...

2006-08-28T21:08:00.000+08:00

these people keeps me losing my rag! i wonder whats up with them. maybe they were too coward with their own ghosts..

IFYOUREVERHADACHANCETOREADTHISSHITIWISHYOUCOULD paddle your own canoe...

my toystory

2006-08-26T00:58:00.001+08:00

its been weeks man! im getting hooked on games. i almost skip meals, body scrub (soon, bathe) getting fit and luvlife (meron he2!) on this machine... oh well who's dont? im becoming a game diva soon, and to avoid the conflict, i need to buy my own tube. yes, i need to, since my roomies are getting mad about my habit. oh boy i found a solution to my dilemma and geez the price is almost the same. its priceless tho! i can play whereever, whenever and whatever! i'll be posting the real picture of him soon as he get all dressed up.